It began with a hamster…

I would say I have always been “prone” to have depression. I have always been oversensitive starting as a child. I would carry emotional weight of something so silly for days, sometimes weeks. My mother loves to tell a story of kindergarten me. We had class pet hamsters that year and everyone was excited for it. One day we come in and all the hamsters are no longer with us. All the kids were upset but teachers made the best of it and tried to help change the subject. The next day we came into class with new pet hamsters. Instead of being excited that we had a class pet again, I was completley distraught. I did not understand how all the classmates could be so happy. We replaced our pet with something new. How could they forget them?

Clearly my mind worked in a different way from the start. My mother said I was upset about this for at least a week. While I don’t remember this experience, I do recall other times being a child and overcome with such sadness for no reason. One particular summer day I remember ,shows so many signs that I can now recognize. It was a beautiful day and yet I felt so sad that I couldn’t function. I ignored my best friend and wouldn’t play outside (very rare for me). I remember crying for hours while laying on the living room couch with my lion king pillow and fluffy beige blanket. There was no reason for me to this upset and my parents thought I was getting sick physically. But I remember the utter sadness I felt that day and know that I still get days like that.  I look back now and see that it was a gradual process to get to my level of depression and anxiety today and many other events in my adolescent years contributed big time, but it was always there.

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