Sorry for the delay in posts.. A lot has been happening..
But what’s on my mind right now is again the constant feeling of being a little different, off, unique, aka the black sheep. And of course this drains the confidence but its more than that. I constantly feel as if I’m disappointing someone, whether it be my family , friends, or myself. The fear of being judged for this stain I carry is a constant road block. It has ruined many opportunities, relationships and decisions in my life. The thought of being around people who thick differently of you is exhausting. I’m tired of trying to prove my worth to everyone and myself. I guess mental illness does to this to me. It fills me with a constant doubt and yearning to be “normal”. I long to blend in. I want my mind to stop playing tricks on me. I want to realize that I don’t wear mental illness on my sleeve; there isn’t a flashing neon sign pointing to the sick girl. I don’t want to be afraid of social situations or get my expectations so high that I’m always let down.
I want to be free from the chains of my mind.