Wrecked.

Breaking down these lyrics to fit me.
Stand still and look pretty- the Wreckers.
I want to paint my face
And pretend that I am someone else      –
Too much emphasis on putting on a happy face for the world. I’ve heard way too many times, put some makeup on, it will make you feel better. Sorry cover girl, wearing a mask simply hides and burrows everything inside.
Sometimes I get so fed up
I don’t even want to look at myself –
I get so mad at myself that I can go weeks on end without actually seeing myself in the mirror. Simply seeing myself only reinforces everything I can’t get out of my head.
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don’t want you to think I’m complaining all the time-
Clearly my life isn’t the worst in the world, but I must say anyone that is going through mental health battles surely knows the battle within yourself.
And I hate the way you look at me I have to say
I wish I could start over-
Once again I hate the repercussions having depression has. I’m thought as less attractive and weak; a victim. Expectations are lowered in order to “ease” the caseload I carry. I’m patronized with  false compassion.
I am slowly falling apart
I wish you’d take a walk in my shoes for a start-
Just for one day, I want the critics of mental health to experience my worst symptoms; the hate, dread, fear, hopelessness, sadness, lack of motivation, anger, anxiety. Feel the wrath of your own mind.
And you might think it’s easy being me
You just stand still, look pretty-
“fake it till you make it.”  If I’m smiling and presentable physically, then I must be okay.
Sometimes I find myself shaking
In the middle of the night-
Waking up in a cold sweat, scared shitless, but can’t remember why until your mind clears. Flashback. 
And then it hits me and I can’t
Even believe this is my life-
How did I get here? 
But people have problems that are worse than mine
I don’t want you to think I’m complaining all the time
And I wish that everyone would go and shut their mouths
I’m not strong enough to deal with it-
Shut up. I don’t want to hear your words of judgement. You don’t know how it is.
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