1 year date approaching

As the date gets closer and closer to a year since the hospital, I feel not much has changed. I still feel alone and the mere thought of “happy” holiday season makes me want to puke or punch something.  My head is at the same spot as dec 8th 2014 and I can’t help but feel a sense of comfort thinking about my room down the right hall, my roommate Sadie and all the other people I met that made me feel a sense of togetherness, a sense of peace because I felt safe from myself. That is by no means the way it should be. I should look back and feel the warmth of past holiday memories but instead when I look back I feel fakeness; an imposter. I want to wake up and have purpose and not feel as if I’m living a life that isn’t my own; a life possessed by my mind,my trauma, my disdain.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “1 year date approaching

  1. “Living a life that isn’t my own”
    … I get that. Wish I could control my life and have it play out exactly how I want it too… But then that wouldn’t be life would it…
    Anyways nice to meet you, and no matter how hard it gets, please hang in there! I’m here cheering you on.

    Arisa

    Like

  2. “Living a life that isn’t my own”
    … I get that. Wish I could control my life. So it would play exactly how I wanted it to and so I wouldn’t get hurt.. But then that wouldn’t be life would it.. But anyways. It seems like your going through a rough time… Just know you aren’t alone! Keep fighting, things will look up.. I promise.

    Arisa

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s