Recent journal entry expressing my frustration and isolation that comes along with understanding my mental illness, coping with my mental illness, and thriving with my mental illness. In. My.Own. Way.
Beat to my own drum.
Forever this has been taught to be a negative way of being. That unique is weird, strange, and undesired. As I get more and more involved in my own self awareness, the notion of being labeled according to someone else’s standards does nothing but confuse and enrage me.
When did being your own person become a distinct way to isolate yourself? As someone that already tells herself daily that she’s a fool, how dare you deem my life invaluable because:
- you don’t agree with my choices
- you don’t understand my way of living, thinking, or experiencing
The image you project and protect is a constant reminder that I’m doing things wrong. I could be making the best decision I could for MYSELF but there will always be a sinking doubt. Do I follow my gut and live with a mindful, deep understanding of myself and those around me? Or do I follow the mindless factory line that produces quantity rather than quality?
As I search for a fulfilling life on my own terms, it is hard to tune out every expectation that is thrown at me. I realize some will never understand what a day looks and feels like for me, but I do ask that it is respected and even encouraged to find my own way. Even if it is different from what you’ve expected or wanted for me.