As this past week has proved immensely difficult, I’m trying to find the root cause. With the help of my therapist, we came to an eye opening conclusion. One that I agree with 100% and at the same time, one I am fearful of. Part of my recovery from trauma for the past two years or so, has been a place of compliancy. I comply to survive. I take my meds, go to support groups, use coping skills, and get by. Living like this was much needed after my hospitalization and beginning of trauma therapy, but now that I have the tools to work with, I feel I’m only living for the social norm. Whether it’s for parent approval and non judgement, or fear of being my own person, I realize I am isolating myself from the kind of people I want to surround myself with and the lifestyle I wish to live.
Depression and anxiety already cause me to feel alone, so why am I causing further isolation and not experiencing a free spirited life that I long for. As far as I can see, there are two ways I can go. One to please the social demand of normalcy or I can embrace a life of individuality that sets my mind and soul free.