Compliancy

As this past week has proved immensely difficult, I’m trying to find the root cause. With the help of my therapist, we came to an eye opening conclusion. One that I agree with 100% and at the same time, one I am fearful of. Part of my recovery from trauma for the past two years or so, has been a place of compliancy. I comply to survive. I take my meds, go to support groups, use coping skills, and get by. Living like this was much needed after my hospitalization and beginning of trauma therapy, but now that I have the tools to work with, I feel I’m only living for the social norm. Whether it’s for parent approval and non judgement, or fear of being my own person, I realize I am isolating myself from the kind of people I want to surround myself with and the lifestyle I wish to live.

Depression and anxiety already cause me to feel alone, so why am I causing further isolation and not experiencing a free spirited life that I long for. As far as I can see, there are two ways I can go. One to please the social demand of normalcy or I can embrace a life of individuality that sets my mind and soul free.

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